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Among African-American women there is a
popular concept called "settling." Settling occurs
when a woman lowers her expectations of a man in order to secure
male companionship. The objective is to find intimate
companionship. many African-American women indicate that
settling is one of the most self-destructive behaviors in which
women can engage. Some conclude that women are better off
remaining alone than settling for less than they deserve.
One of the bets explanations of settling
comes from the work of Renita Weems, an African-American
biblical scholar at Vanderbilt University, in her book I Asked
for Intimacy. Her work on the Leah Syndrome seems to capture
what I have learned from African-American women counselees about
the impact on them of a lack of integrity. Leah, described in
the twenty-ninth chapter of the book of Genesis, is a
woman who waited around for a man who did not want her. For
Weems, the Leah Syndrome is about women who love too much, who
conspire against themselves, who use their sexuality to snare
men they would be better off without, who get into relationships
that destroy them, and who "settle" when they could do
better.
She does not see these women as victims; she
sees them as relationship addicts. Relationship addicts are
those who tie their self-esteem to others rather than find it
within themselves and in their relationship with God. Such
women, she says, settle for any kind of relationship when no
relationship at all might be better for their self-esteem.
There is an analogy between the Leah Syndrome
and the political behavior of many African Americans. This
analogy fits the problems we see with our president and the
African Americans who "settle" for leaders who cannot,
in their private and public behavior, meet or expectations.
Settling, then, is hazardous to the political well-being of
African Americans. We would be better off without such leaders.
African Americans are working overtime . . . . Are those who are
critical of settling correct?
As African Americans, and certainly as
voters, we are being taken for granted. Settling reinforces our
low self-esteem and drives us deeper into dependency upon others
for our survival. our future should be based on integrity and
the pursuit of wholeness in every facet of life, not on the
results of a political election. we should not be reduced to
being political junkies looking for a fix in the promises of
those who seek to manipulate and misuse our votes.
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Theologically, African-American Christians
have always trusted in the righteousness of God -- a God who
always keeps promises even when God's timing of fulfillment
differs from our own. We also see Jesus as a righteous
man, a person of integrity whom we should emulate. Would it be
too much to expect that the preacher/politician who constantly
appeals to religious values would not only espouse these values
but also attempt to live them out in private and in public?
Those of us who comprise the church in the African-American
experience need to upgrade our standards and expectations for
those who seek our vote. God wants more for us than empty
promises. Source: "African-American Pastoral Theology as Public
Theology: The Crisis of Private and Public in the White House." in Judgment
Day at the White House: A Critical Declaration Exploring Moral Issues
and the political Use and Abuse of Religion (p. 91-98;1999), edited
by Gabriel Fackre. * * * *
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update 1 August 2008 |
